Protecting You From Yourself
Face it, computer security problems and viruses are your own fault. Weak passwords, dangerous files, and questionable web sites. You’re a ticking time bomb. Wouldn’t it be nice if your computer stepped in and stopped you from making these mistakes?
Windows Vista User Account Control makes it so. Nothing dangerous gets past UAC. Heck, you won’t be able to adjust your font size without confirmation. The Internet is safe again.
No More Piracy
Pirates might sound cool—you might’ve even enjoyed Pirates of the Caribbean—but software piracy isn’t cool. Chances are you’re a software pirate and you didn’t even know it! That’s why Windows Vista includes our advanced product activation technology.
So don’t try to do anything weird with your computer like upgrade your memory and hard disk. We’re watching.
Innovative Features
Our first major upgrade to Internet Explorer since 2001, a new system-wide Instant Search facility that finds your files in minutes—not hours, crazy little Gadgets on the side of your screen that tell you what time it is, Windows Calendar, Windows Photo Gallery, Chess… I could go on.
Windows Vista is practically bursting at the seams with features never before seen on a PC. Imagine that.
Hot Aero Sexiness
Those big chunky Fisher Price buttons and gargantuan window borders of Windows XP are old hat, grandma. Get with the program. Windows Vista has a sexful new interface called Aero.
These windows are so tight they can only slip onto your desktop at an angle; dripping wet with shiny hot sex oils. So change your Depends and upgrade your graphics card, because it’s time for sexy computers.
Choosy Choosers Choose
We know you demand choice. Choice of hardware, choice of accessories, choice of peripherals, and choice of software. So we’ve crafted four unique versions of Windows Vista, and you can choose exactly the one that’s right for you. Need to edit movies, but not scan photos? We’ve got you covered.
Easy Upgrade
If you misread the product comparison chart and purchased the wrong edition of Windows Vista, don’t fret. You can upgrade at any time (for a nominal fee) to Windows Vista Ultimate Edition — the one with none of the features disabled.
For slightly less money you can also downgrade to Windows XP. Your computer might feel faster, more stable, and less annoying, but it won’t be nearly as awesome. Better off upgrading, I reckon.
