Naming iPhones

October 2, 2012 • Louie Mantia

“Hey Phil, what are we going to call this thing?”
“Well everyone seems to think we’re going to release a phone called iPhone.”
“Alright, sounds good. Let’s go eat sushi after work. You can pay this time.”

“Yo Phil!”
“Hey Steve.”
“This thing has the App Store, Mobile Me, and 3G service. What should we name this thing? Keep it iPhone or should we update the name too?”
“Well, since the most significant upgrade here to the actual phone is 3G service, let’s call it iPhone 3G.”
“Sounds fast. Let’s go with that. Sushi? Your treat?”

“Okay Phil, we have a bit of a problem here. This is our third phone and we can’t call it iPhone 3 or something, so what do we do?”
“Well what’s different?”
“They say it’s faster. I mean I notice it but look at it… it doesn’t look any different.”
“Uh, what about iPhone 3GS? The S can stand for speedy.”
“Phil, that is without a doubt the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say. But what choice have we got? I was going to treat you to some sushi for lunch but since you made this name our only option, it’s on you.”

“We’re gonna call this thing iPhone 4, right? It is the fourth iPhone you know. Have you seen this god damn retina display? How rad is that?”
“Well Steve, don’t you think people will accidentally call it 4G? I mean, it doesn’t have 4G service yet.”
“Irrelevant! I’m not letting you fuck this up this time. You can pay for the sushi because I did your job for you.”

“Phil, this thing didn’t change too much. It’s a bit faster I guess. Oh, and you can talk to it.”
“I did this before with Steve. iPhone 4S.”
“But then it was 3G service, not 4, which is a number.”
“You gotta make tough choices, Tim.”
“Whatever. We’re gonna sell millions of these anyway. You wanna get a burger after work? I’ll pay!”

“Hey Tim!”
“Hi Phil. So this is our sixth one of these right?”
“Yeah, but we just did 4. We have to do 5 now, don’t you think?”
“Well we never had an iPhone 2.”
“True. But who cares. We could call it the new iPhone.”
“Fuck it, let’s go with 5.”

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